9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize