Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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