i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
