My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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