Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
