just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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