You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
