I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
