Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
