You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
