Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
