I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
