Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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