weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
