Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
