I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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