at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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