um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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