watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
