In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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