Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
