haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
