First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize