Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
