look no pants
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm bleeding and have questions
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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