You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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