no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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