Your dad touched me again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want is dick and wine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
