We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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