I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
