the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
