smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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