Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
