Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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