His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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