I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
