everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
