what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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