paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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