so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do vagina's smell?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
