Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This house was built for laser tag.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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