White coat. Heels.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
