i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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