Don't you send me to vm
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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