He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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