Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
