so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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