who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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