My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
