And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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