Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
