Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
