Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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