So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
