mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
