flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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