I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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