once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dick has a subreddit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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