You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
