I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
