last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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