just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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