no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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