just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
