if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize