just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
