I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
