Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
