I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car