No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You ate ashes out of my bong