my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding