and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan