she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
