you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
