I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
