I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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