At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
