Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
