Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
