Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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